To All Our Friends & Family
I couldn't resist sharing this entry from Diane's personal journal. She's now in the 'feeling sick' part of her chemo cycle. But, it is her second to last!
February 14 - “Just an Ordinary Day”
Happy Valentine’s Day!
It’s been three days since I had chemo and I have spent most of the day in bed feeling sick…not my idea of a very exciting, fun or romantic Valentine’s Day. Mark sat by my side and worked on his laptop all day. It was all rather uneventful, actually. Just an ordinary day…like so many days lately that have been spent just waiting for time to pass, waiting for pain to pass, waiting to be done with chemo, waiting to heal.
I’m impatient for life to get back on track…but then I wonder why? It is clear that my life will never be “back on track” and I would never want that life back anyway. It occurred to me this morning that all my life I have sought out so much on the outside…excitement, success, pleasure, fun, happiness, beauty…as if every day needed to be a spectacular improvement on the one before. Never a dull moment… I never wanted just an ordinary day.
Today I see a different picture. . family, friends, faith, love, acceptance, gratitude, peace…I’ve been feeling a lot of those good inside feelings through this time. More and more, there is an unexplainable calm within this chaos called cancer. There is not a great desire for spectacular fireworks, success, beauty, notoriety, or wealth that seeks extreme proportions. It’s simple now. What I long for is a conversation with the kids in the morning over a bowl of oatmeal and the sounds of laughter and singing in the house. I want to brush Hannah’s hair, watch Jack do a flip, listen to Carly as she reads me her latest poem and then be greeted with a big hug from Mark when he comes home at the end of the day. Why did it always have to be so hard? Why has it taken so long? Why is it that I never knew before that all I really wanted was just another ordinary day?